Assignment #1 for IS287/Howard Besser/Winter 2000
Our hero Howard first gets the idea to enter Vietnam's world-renowned annual Mekong boat race after seeing this billboard. Who could resist the chance to become a national hero? There was not a person in the country who did not wish that their physique could be artfully airbrushed and embellished upon next year's billboards and banners, one of the rewards for winning the race.
"Hmm, " thought Howard, "If I am going to enter the race, I'll need a good partner in my boat. Someone who has their sea legs, is trustworthy and able." Howard scanned the waterfront for someone who might meet this description, and lo and behold, he found Marina. She was onboard a local tourism craft, examining its structure, evaluating its seaworthiness.
"Don't bother taking a tourism cruise," Howard told her, "become a part of Vietnamese history with me, as we show these locals a thing or two about boat-racing!"
Marina had always longed for her 15 minutes of fame, and Howard looked like the kind of guy who was going places, so she decided to hitch her star to his boat. Marina had had a good amount of previous experience in athletics as a track runner in high school. Knowing that good nutrition is the key to success, she insisted that they both get a good meal before the race began that afternoon.
"I know just the place," said Howard. "Let's go to the market!"
Marina
scopes out the tantalizing heap of juba-juba fruit. "Perfect, just what
we need, a good energy food," she says.
"I'm not one to turn down a good juba-juba," says Howard, "but how about a little protein with that meal?"
"Uh, that isn't exactly what I had in mind, Marina," says Howard.
"You're right," says Marina. "The little yippy ones are too high-strung; it makes their meat tough."
Howard
searched the market for another alternative, and came across a cage just stuffed
with plump juicy chickens. He could already imagine one sizzling on a homemade
rotisserie....
"Now that's more like it," said Howard! "Now we just need a little dessert...." Which to choose? The dessert array was overwhelming. A nice pastry puff, a popover, a tart a la Hanoi, a Ho Chi Minh meringue, Howard had to restrain himself. He didn't want to be too logy for the race.
There was just one thing missing. "And the most important part, something to wash it all down. I know I saw an ad for it around here somewhere..." mused Howard.
Refueled and ready to go, Howard and Marina head toward the racing headquarters with other tourists ready to try their luck.
Outside Race Central, Howard and Marina take a look at the displays. There's a huge poster of President Ho, complete in maritime costume, cheering on the boaters in the first annual race.
. 
They look at an aerial view of the course. "Phew-this is going to be a workout," says Howard. Of course, Howard and Marina will not really have to do any paddling, but it will be a mental workout to continually reevaluate their position during the race and revise their strategy accordingly.
There is also a strange little penguin statue in the display, which, according to its descriptive plaque, is the Official Race Mascot. The reason for this is rooted in a mysterious local myth about an escaped zoo penguin that somehow ended up in the original race, according to Marina's translation, which is somewhat questionable.
Howard and Marina also take a look at the many banners explaining the rules of the race. Ignorance is no excuse for the law, and anyone not obeying waterway traffic signals at river intersections will be disqualified by the race officials.
The race officials themselves are very used to the notoriety surrounding this event, and happily submit to photographs and autographs. Here Jim smiles, while Joe looks for a blank sheet of notepad paper to sign an autograph for Howard.
The
officials get a huge snazzy boat from which to monitor the race.
They take a look around them and note the beautiful scenery. It is still a little
early, so there are only a few boats of spectators already out on the water,
eagerly anticipating the coming excitement.
Marina chooses their boat.
As the start time draws nearer, the media frenzy begins. Some of the favorite racers strike poses for the cameras and attempt to also strike fear into the hearts of their opponents with their haughty confidence. As you can see, "haughty confidence" is expressed differently by the old and the young.
Sometimes more than one family member enters the race in the hopes of doubling
their chances to win. Here Auntie Jane discusses strategy with her nephew, Chuck.
The audience lines the river and bows in the direction of Ho Chi Minh City as
they sing the national anthem.
All of the racers look toward the officials, waiting for the starting signal.
BANG!
and with the crack of an AK-47, they're off!
It doesn't take long for the field to separate.
Howard looks to his right to see that they are neck and neck with the Norwegian
entry- who plays it cool, and does not even acknowledge them.
They soon pass a group of children in the river who call out to them. Families
in the race often leave kids behind, as decoys to distract greenhorn racers.
Not far ahead, another booby trap! A pile of sunken palm fronds snags the unlucky
boat ahead of them. Unstymied, Howard and Marina steer around them. Their position
is gaining!
Howard takes a look behind them. Unfortunately, they aren't the only ones gaining.
Energy levels are starting to wane, and they soon pass a few boats that have
already given in and dropped out of the race.
On the shore, the spectators are spread pretty thin, but in lieu of a cheering
throng, at least the scenery is nice.
Howard and Marina have moved up to second place in the contest, but they just
can't seem to gain on that local boat.
Howard had carefully studied the layout of the route that morning, and suddenly
recognizes an area which seemed to be a shortcut. It is difficult to see the
small side-channel from the race route, but without a moment's hesitation, he
steers them straight for it.
Marina is a little worried about this unexpected detour. "Are you
sure about this shortcut, Howard?"
"No problem," says Howard!
Howard kicks back and enjoys the extra time that this tactical maneuver has
bought for them.
The shortcut is a success! Back on the main route, and well in the lead, thanks
to Howard's strategy (his shortcut would forever after be known as the "Howard
Maneuver" to future racers), they pass another fan, who waves. As Howard
waves back, he thinks to himself, "Wasn't that the same kid we passed five
miles back?"
The finish line! It appears abandoned because no one is allowed to be on the
bridge as the winner comes through. Before this rule was instituted, there were
several unfortunate incidents in which people who were unhappy with who had
won, dropped various (occasionally dangerous) objects down from the bridge onto
the boat.
Marina and Howard-The Victors! The press and the poster committee, who are eager
to begin artwork of the two for next year's ads, grab some photos.
Howard also pauses for a photo op with his biggest fan, the kid who has kept
up with them throughout the race.
Meanwhile, the biggest losers of the boat race, the ones who were left in everyone's
wake, are subjected to torture by python- the Vietnamese booby prize.
A huge gala reception is held for the new national heroes.
Colored lights decorate the waterfront, and fireworks light the skies. "Not
a bad day at the races," thinks Howard, as he tips back a Tuborg and signs
another autograph.